The Challenge of Making Eye Contact When You Have ADHD

Eye contact takes attention, emotion control, and quick brain shifts—all areas where ADHD creates challenges.

Eye contact shows you're listening. It helps you connect. So, how can someone with ADHD improve without feeling uncomfortable or drained?

In this article, you’ll learn why eye contact is hard for people with ADHD—and the small steps that can make it easier.

Importance of Eye Contact in Communication

Eye contact tells people that you're paying attention and that you care about what they’re saying.

According to an expert from Michigan State University Extension, maintaining eye contact during a conversation shows that you're listening and engaged. It signals empathy and helps manage feelings. However, she also pointed out that too much eye contact can feel like staring, which might make others uncomfortable. So, there needs to be a balance.

In one summary, eye contact was described as a tool that can open and close communication. It’s linked with credibility and dominance. When people avoid eye contact or blink a lot, they may seem nervous or submissive. Also, high-status individuals tend to give more eye contact when they talk. In contrast, staring too long can feel threatening.

Beyond these observations, brain science adds even more insight. One study using functional MRI scans found that eye contact activates several brain areas during verbal communication. When participants looked at the eyes of a speaker instead of their mouth, their brains showed stronger activity in the cuneus and calcarine sulcus (visual processing areas), the medial prefrontal cortex (linked to understanding others' intentions), and the temporoparietal junction and superior temporal sulcus (involved in social reasoning). These regions together help the listener understand what the speaker means—not just what they say.

The study also showed that these brain regions “talk” to each other more when people make eye contact. This was seen through increased effective connectivity, meaning that these brain areas were more synchronized. According to the researchers, this suggests that eye contact helps people figure out what others are thinking or feeling while they speak.

Why People with ADHD Struggle with Eye Contact

Here are some of the reasons why people with ADHD might struggle with eye contact, and how it can affect the way they connect with others.

Trouble with Recognizing Faces and Expressions

People with ADHD often find it hard to read faces and understand expressions. According to a study, toddlers who showed more signs of ADHD at age two looked at pictures of faces for longer before looking away. This delay in gaze shifting means their brains may have trouble processing facial information quickly. When someone looks at your face but doesn’t react or shift focus, it can confuse them. It also slows down how they take in emotions or reactions from others.

Another study found that children with ADHD, especially those with conduct problems, looked less at the eyes during emotion recognition tasks. This made it harder for them to tell what others were feeling. Faces give clues, especially the eyes.

If someone can’t read those clues, they may avoid eye contact altogether.

Eye Gaze Processing Problems in the Brain

The brain of someone with ADHD doesn’t always react to eye gaze the way most people’s brains do. Normally, if someone looks at an object, others instinctively follow that gaze. But for many with ADHD, this reflex doesn’t always happen.

According to a study, children with ADHD failed to show the usual shift in attention when exposed to another person’s eye-gaze direction. In their study, 38 participants aged 7 to 17 completed a task where they had to respond to words while ignoring distracting cues—either arrows or eye gaze. While typically developing children were distracted by both arrows and eye gaze (showing longer reaction times on incongruent trials), those with ADHD showed interference only from arrows. Their reaction times weren’t affected by gaze cues at all. This suggests that their attention was not automatically drawn by another person’s gaze, which is a key social signal.

This disconnect can make social interactions harder. If a child can’t track where someone is looking, they may miss clues about what that person is focusing on or feeling. Over time, eye contact might start to feel unhelpful or even uncomfortable, leading some children to avoid it.

This difficulty in processing social information may help explain why kids with ADHD often struggle in peer relationships. They may not pick up on subtle cues like facial expressions or gaze, making it harder to respond appropriately. And since social success depends on understanding others' attention and emotions, missing these cues can create misunderstandings and feelings of rejection.

So, while ADHD is often viewed in terms of attention and behavior, its impact on social connection—especially through something as basic as eye gaze—can be just as important.

Attention Dysfunction Makes Eye Contact Difficult

Inattention is a major part of ADHD. One study found that children who had more inattention symptoms took longer to look away from another person’s eyes during a face-viewing task. The study tested 82 children aged 8 to 13 using eye-tracking. Children were shown images of faces and were asked to look at either the eyes or the mouth.

They looked at two things: how long it took for the child to move their eyes away from the eyes (called “orient away” or OA) and how fast they moved their eyes toward the eyes (“orient toward” or OT).

Children with more inattention were slower to look away from the eyes, especially when looking at angry faces. This means they might “get stuck” on eye contact and can’t shift focus easily.

In fact, this delay wasn’t just a one-time event. It predicted inattention levels two years later. The longer a child stared at the eyes before reorienting, the more inattention symptoms they had later. This was especially clear with angry faces. The effect stayed strong even after accounting for other disorders like anxiety or oppositional defiant disorder (ODD).

Emotional Faces Make Eye Contact Harder

Not all faces caused the same reaction. The same study noticed that children with ADHD stared longer at emotional faces—especially angry ones—than at neutral faces. When looking at angry faces, they had the slowest reaction time when trying to move their eyes away.

The eyes in an angry face can feel intense or threatening. If a child with ADHD gets “stuck” looking at those eyes, it may feel uncomfortable or overwhelming. But they may not have the attention control to look away quickly.

Over time, this can make eye contact feel stressful. So, some may avoid it altogether.

Not Just About Avoidance — Sometimes, They Look Too Long

Interestingly, children with ADHD don’t always avoid eye contact. Sometimes, they look for too long. Children didn’t have trouble looking at the eyes—they had trouble looking away. This delay wasn’t seen in how quickly they looked toward the eyes (OT), but in how long they stayed. Their gaze “stuck” longer on emotional eyes.

This may show that the problem isn’t about avoiding people. It’s about controlling attention. Their brains struggle to switch focus, especially during emotional moments.

So, if you’ve ever noticed someone with ADHD staring too long, this could be why.

Poor Social Skills and Missed Cues

Social interaction is complex. Eye contact helps people know when to speak, when to listen, and what the other person feels. According to an expert, many individuals with ADHD have weak social skills. They may miss nonverbal cues like facial expressions or tone of voice. And they may come off as distracted or uninterested—even when they care deeply.

If they don’t respond with the “right” kind of eye contact, others may misunderstand them. This can lead to broken conversations, awkward pauses, or hurt feelings.

Over time, these situations build up and make people with ADHD avoid eye contact to escape social discomfort.

Shared Traits with Autism Make Eye Contact Harder

Some people with ADHD also have autism. This is common, in fact, 50% to 70% of autistic individuals also have ADHD. In autism, avoiding eye contact is more well-known. But in those with both conditions, the eye contact problems may overlap or get worse.

In a study, people with autism were shown faces while their eye movements were tracked. They avoided the eyes without even thinking about it. Their brains seemed to skip over that part of the face. When someone has both ADHD and autism, they may avoid eye contact unconsciously, not because they want to—but because their brain directs them away.

Reddit Discussion on ADHD Eye Contact

According to CC_99Lyss, making eye contact during conversations can feel almost impossible. They explained that when they try to hold eye contact, their entire focus shifts to that act alone. As a result, they can no longer pay attention to the conversation itself. It becomes mentally exhausting, and even physically uncomfortable—causing eye strain and a strong urge to blink.

This struggle often leads to misunderstandings, as others may think they’re being rude when in reality, they’re simply overwhelmed.

Likewise, Professional-Walk363 described a nearly identical experience. They shared that while they can force themselves to make eye contact, doing so pulls all their focus away from what the other person is saying. When they break eye contact, however, they’re able to have a much better and more thoughtful conversation. Their difficulty isn’t due to shyness or low confidence—it’s a matter of cognitive overload.

Adding to that, put_tape_on_it provided a deeper look into how much mental multitasking is already happening during a social interaction. They said that while they’re trying to interpret posture, tone, emotion, and think of appropriate responses, their brain simply can’t also manage direct eye contact. For them, it becomes a choice: either maintain eye contact or fully listen and respond meaningfully. They’ve learned to prioritize listening, explaining that people often notice how deeply engaged they are, even without strong eye contact.

CallinCthulhu also emphasized the sensory side of the issue. Eye contact can be overwhelming because of the unspoken cues involved—like microexpressions and subtle emotional signals. These layers of unfiltered information make it difficult to stay present in the conversation. However, they found that ADHD medication significantly reduced this overwhelm, which points to a neurological link.

Lastly, lethargicbunny explained that avoiding eye contact helps them preserve working memory. Looking someone in the eyes while trying to process verbal information is too demanding for their brain to handle at once. For them, it’s not about discomfort with people—it’s a strategy to stay mentally engaged.

Strategies to Improve Eye Contact for Individuals with ADHD

Here are several effective strategies that can help you:

Practice in Low-Pressure Situations

Start with someone you feel safe around—maybe a parent, a sibling, or a close friend. Sit down with them during a short chat, like talking about what you ate for lunch or what show you want to watch. During that conversation, try to look at their eyes just long enough to notice their eye color. That’s it. Just a second or two.

Then, take a short break. You can look away at a wall or down at your hands. After a moment, try again. Can you hold eye contact for two seconds this time? Keep it simple. Ask a question like, “Did you like that movie?” and look up while they answer. These small steps help your brain get used to eye contact without feeling overwhelmed.

Over a few days, you might notice it’s getting easier. You might even start holding eye contact for five seconds without realizing it. And if you mess up or look away too fast? That’s okay. What matters is trying again the next time.

Small practice like this, especially in calm moments, builds real progress.

Use Visual Anchors Instead of Direct Eye Contact

If looking into someone’s eyes feels too intense, try focusing on a nearby spot instead. During a conversation, you can look at the space between their eyebrows or the top of their nose. These areas are close enough to the eyes that the other person won’t notice the difference.

For example, when your teacher is giving instructions, look at the bridge of their nose. It still looks like eye contact, but it feels much easier.

Another good trick is to focus on someone’s cheekbones while they speak. Let’s say a friend is telling a story. You can glance at the side of their face instead of their eyes, especially if you feel nervous. This keeps you connected to the conversation without feeling overwhelmed.

Over time, this method can help you build confidence. It gives your brain a way to stay focused while slowly adjusting to more direct eye contact.

Engage in Mindful Listening

It can feel hard to make eye contact when your brain is busy trying to follow every word someone says. That’s a lot to handle at once. So instead of forcing both, focus first on listening closely. Try this during a calm moment—like when a friend is telling you about their weekend. Don’t worry about how you’ll respond. Just listen.

Pay attention to the words, the tone, and the pauses. Let’s say your friend says, “We went to the park and saw ducks.” In your head, picture the ducks. This keeps your brain centered on the moment. When your mind isn’t racing to come up with a reply, it feels easier to look at the person—even for just a second.

Over time, this kind of mindful listening builds focus. And when your focus is stronger, eye contact becomes less of a challenge. You’ll find that it starts happening on its own, without having to force it.

Ask for Feedback and Make Small Adjustments

Ask someone you trust for a quick check-in after a conversation. It could be a parent, a teacher, or a close friend. You might say, “Hey, was my eye contact okay just now?” or “Did I look at you too much or not enough?” These simple questions give you clear answers without feeling too serious.

Let’s say your friend says, “It was good, but you looked away a lot near the end.” That’s helpful. Next time, you can try to hold eye contact a little longer before finishing the conversation. Maybe just one extra second. That’s a small change—but it matters.

Little by little, these adjustments add up. Honest feedback helps you notice what’s working and what needs tweaking. With each try, you’ll start to feel more confident and in control.

Mirror the Other Person’s Eye Movements

Watch how the other person uses eye contact, then try to match their pace. For example, if your classmate looks at you for a few seconds while talking, try to hold eye contact for the same amount of time. If they glance away—maybe at their notebook or the wall—you can do the same. It takes the pressure off and makes the conversation feel more natural.

Let’s say you're working on a group project and someone is explaining their idea. They look at you, pause, then glance down. Instead of forcing yourself to stare, follow their pattern. Look when they look, and look away when they do. This helps you stay connected without feeling tense.

Practice While Watching TV or Videos

Turn on a show or video where someone looks straight at the camera while speaking. News programs like 60 Minutes or BBC News are great. You can also try YouTube channels like CrashCourse or The Try Guys. These often feature hosts who talk directly to the viewer. Another option is watching interviews on The Ellen Show or Hot Ones, where the camera often focuses on the speaker’s face.

As you watch, pretend you’re part of the conversation. If the speaker says something like, “Let’s talk about history,” look at their eyes on the screen and try to keep your gaze there. Hold it until they finish their sentence. If you blink or look away, that’s fine—just try again during the next part.

This kind of practice helps train your eyes and brain to stay focused. Because it’s just a screen, there’s no pressure. Over time, it gets easier to hold that steady gaze in real-life conversations, too.

Use Relaxation Techniques Before Conversations

Before starting a conversation, take a moment to relax your body. Even a few deep breaths can help. Try breathing in slowly for four seconds, holding for four, then breathing out for four. Do this three times. It only takes a minute, but it can make you feel more in control.

If you’re about to talk to a teacher or classmate, and you feel tense, do a quick stretch. Roll your shoulders or shake out your hands. You could also close your eyes for a few seconds and quietly say to yourself, “It’s just a conversation. I’ve got this.”

These small relaxation steps help your body feel calmer. And when your body is calm, your brain can focus better.

Wrap Up

Eye contact doesn’t come easily to everyone, and that’s okay. What matters is understanding why it feels difficult and knowing that there’s nothing wrong with needing a different approach. For many with ADHD, the struggle is real—but it isn’t a failure. It’s a difference in how the brain reacts, thinks, and feels in social moments.

That difference can lead to frustration or misunderstanding. But it can also open the door to new ways of connecting—ways that feel more natural and less forced. Looking someone in the eye doesn’t have to feel like a test. It can become something you ease into, little by little.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is avoiding eye contact a symptom of ADHD?

Not officially, but it’s common. Many people with ADHD say they find eye contact tough because of focus or anxiety issues.

Can ADHD make someone stare too much?

Yes! Some people with ADHD may hold eye contact too long, especially during emotional moments, and have trouble shifting their gaze.

What’s the difference between ADHD and autism when it comes to eye contact?

People with ADHD usually get distracted from eye contact. People with autism often avoid it without realizing, because it feels overwhelming.

Can therapy help improve eye contact?

Yes. Therapists can teach you skills, build your confidence, and help with anxiety or attention issues that affect eye contact.