Is Inattentive ADHD Hiding in Plain Sight? This Is Terry’s Story

Some people with ADHD are easy to spot because they’re always moving or talking. But others seem quiet, forgetful, or lost in thought—and their struggles often go unnoticed.

Could these signs mean something more?

Terry Matlen was diagnosed with inattentive ADHD at age 41, after her younger daughter was diagnosed with severe hyperactivity. At first, she had a hard time accepting the diagnosis. For years, she thought her issues—like panic attacks and forgetfulness—were caused by anxiety.

Understanding her diagnosis changed how she saw her past struggles. She finally knew why parties overwhelmed her, why her house was always messy, and why friendships were hard to maintain. Instead of fighting it, she began accepting the way her brain worked. That shift gave her more energy for her family and opened the door to building a life that worked for her.

At home, Terry faced many everyday challenges. Cooking multiple dishes at once, balancing a checkbook, and doing housework were also constant struggles. She used to feel ashamed that she couldn’t keep up with it all. Now, she brings in a cleaning crew once a week and allows herself to have guilt-free messy areas.

Parenting was especially hard. At first, Terry felt like hiring help made her a bad mom, but in time, she let go of the guilt and brought in support so she could also focus on her older daughter. This gave her more balance and helped her.

Professionally, Terry shifted gears after her diagnosis. She left social work, taught ADHD classes, and joined Children and Adults with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorde (CHADD), eventually writing for ADHD-focused publications.

Terry continues to work in the ADHD field, blending her creative side with her passion for helping others. She paints, writes, and runs her consulting business.

Why Inattentive ADHD Is Missed

Inattentive ADHD is harder to recognize, especially in adults. These people may not be disruptive. They may seem quiet, shy, or even well-behaved. They might struggle with things like paying attention, remembering instructions, staying organized, or starting tasks that require focus. But these signs are often misread.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V) lists nine symptoms of inattentive ADHD. As adults, undiagnosed ADHD is linked to serious problems like depression, anxiety, job loss, substance use, and even higher mortality rates—often due to accidents.

Teachers and counselors in elementary school play a key role in catching inattentive ADHD early. They spend more time with students in structured settings and understand what typical development looks like. Middle and high school staff usually don't know a student well enough to notice the signs.

If the condition is missed in early childhood, there's a high chance it may never be diagnosed. In fact, less than 20% of adults with ADHD have ever been formally diagnosed.

Girls are especially likely to be missed. Inattentive ADHD is more common in girls, and their symptoms can be mistaken for personality traits. A girl may cry easily, seem disorganized, or get distracted by small things. She might be overly talkative or emotional, which gets chalked up to sensitivity rather than ADHD. Some girls hyperfocus on one topic to cope, which masks their struggles in other areas. Others may appear shy or quiet, flying under the radar entirely.

If a diagnosis comes in adulthood, many feel shocked. They realize they’ve been living with ADHD all along but were never given the tools or support to understand it. They also discovered that ADHD isn't always about being hyper or impulsive. It can look like forgetfulness, trouble staying on task, or being overwhelmed by everyday demands.

Early identification makes a difference. With the right help, kids with inattentive ADHD can avoid the pain of being misunderstood or mislabeled, and adults will not receive the shock of late diagnosis.

Take Away

Inattentive ADHD is often missed, but the impact of that silence can last a lifetime. Spotting the signs early—especially in women—can prevent years of confusion, guilt, and struggle. That’s why awareness matters.

When parents, teachers, and doctors know what to look for, they can help children feel seen, supported, and understood. With the right tools, those kids can grow into adults who thrive, not just survive.